Lately I find myself having conversations with other people, and with myself, about ‘having it’ or ‘keeping it’ together. It’s such an interesting expression, ‘having it all together’.
Do you remember when we were young enough not to worry about being a grown-up, but old enough to be impressed by the people around us who seemed to have it all? Those people, who seemed to have it all together all the time – the clean house, the great job, the balanced bank account, the home-cooked meals, the perfect haircut, etc. etc. – those were the ones we wanted to be like, the ones who ‘had it all together’.
Now that I’m a grown-up myself, I think that most days I do a pretty good job of keeping things together. But there are some days, some weeks, and even some months, when I have a dirty house, a challenging job, a questionable bank account, Big Mac wrappers instead of home-cooked meals, and I haven’t even thought about having a haircut for months. I do not have it, any of it, together.
Those days hurt. I think – why bother? What is this all for? Why is this so hard? Why can’t I be one of the ones who have it all together?
Well, the truth is, because those ones don’t have it all together, every day, either. They just do a better job than the rest of us of faking it until we make it. They have just as many struggles as the rest of us, but they are kinder to themselves on those bad days, and they understand that tomorrow will be a new day and another chance to get it all together.
So the next time you feel like you do not have it all together, and might in fact never get it all together ever again (not likely, but a common fear!) – take yet another page out of those perfect people’s book – and be kind to yourself.
Allow yourself to not have it together. For days, for weeks, even for months. You are not allowed to stop trying to get there; but you are allowed to let yourself not be there every day, all day, and to be kind to yourself about it. Each day is a new day, another chance for you to try and ‘get it all together’. If you make it – great! Applaud yourself. If you don’t – that’s OK. Be kind to yourself about that, too.
It’s OK to say I don’t got it – and that it’s OK.